There was a time when she’d thought she had bipolar disorder.
Her friends assured her it was ‘just PMS’.
Now, she was sitting in her room. The sun had gone down. Faint light filtered in through the window. The room had an orange-ish glow from the street-light below.
It was twilight.
She’d read of twilight depression. Something about how people who live closer to the poles get depressed during the 6 months of no light.
Of course, if it could happen there, it could happen here too. But when she’d asked her mother, all she’d got was an indulgent smile.
In India, people don’t go to Psychologists beta. They’ll just say you’re mad. And then it becomes a label and that can get bad. Like a taboo sort of thing.”
Not like she was suicidal or anything!
Just sometimes, when the sun went down but there was still light in the sky and the streetlights were turned on, she would feel a twinge of hopelessness.
The air would be very very still, not even a slight breeze. You could hear the traffic in the distance. No children playing, they’d all gone home. The sound of the TV on in someone’s house. The dull smell of dust and old exhaust in the air.
And she would feel a twinge of hopelessness.
It happened now and then, she’d feel like there wasn’t anything worth fighting for left in the world. That she wouldn’t ever be able to do any of the things she wanted to. That there was no point to have any dreams and aspirations. That there was no point to falling in love. That there was no point to doing anything. That humans would always be hard and cold and cruel. That all of nature would one day get extinct. And there was no point in trying to do anything, because it wouldn’t work.
That everyone should just curl up and die one day.
And she would cry a little.
She felt a little like that right now. Maybe it would go away in a while…