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In Our Hearts, Forever – Arushi

In Our Hearts, Forever

There was a time in my life I was an unsure, naive and timid child. I was scared to face the big, bad world alone. Or even step into it for that matter. The problem was, even though I was a child at heart, I wasn’t a child anymore.

And then something happened that changed me. In ways I had never known until now. It was this girl who came into my life-my best friend. True to her name, Tejaswee was bright and radiant, and most of all, gifted.

Her coming was my own little history repeating itself. We had childhood memories together of rescuing puppies from the street and her making the most annoying yet, fascinating little magical stories of magic microwaves and pillows.

When destiny brought us together again, she was her same crazy self. But this time more mature. However, her childlike innocence was her virtue. Her smile as infectious as ever, wormed its way into everyone’s hearts. Her optimism kept our morales at a level which could not be brought down. She was the only one who had the courage to believe that the world could be a better place.

Yes. She did change me in many ways. But not like a preachy elder or life-coach. We learned from each other. It was amazing how similar we were but we still had so much to gain from one another. Day after day we evolved into better people. We motivated each other when either of us were low and criticised each other when we knew something had gone wrong.

She wasn’t too different from me, as I said before. She too had her bit of timidity and naivety. But we got rid of it together. She taught me how to be patient and I taught her how to be calm. And together we turned from girls into women.

I had opened my heart to her completely. A place which is reserved for very few. I saw the naivety reducing, and the timid me was slowly disappearing. She taught me how to be cautious and sometimes to let go.

We danced in the rain like little crazy tadpoles and enjoyed the winter sun with as much welcome. Talked for hours on the phone till our ears ached and reduced each other to tears when we laughed together. Got butterflies in our stomachs when we talked about guys. And went to our little fantasy world when we listened to “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz.

As we grew through life she had many things to teach me. How not to treat people differently, no matter where they belonged. How to be patient and forgiving but get angry if someone was hurt.

She was a beautiful person, and she made me a better one too. She always saw that best in me and loved me despite my countless flaws. And I loved her for that.

There was a strong, unbreakable bond between us, which nothing could’ve broken, except one thing. And the unthinkable happened. She fell sick; really sick at that. But she gave us the hope that she would be back soon. All her loved ones prayed in unison. About the one thing we all need the most at that time, which was her.

But God had been selfish. He was jealous of us for having her. And he took her away from us. That day I can never forget. Though I tried to, many-a-times through those sleepless nights.

Losing her was like losing a limb. You get used it after some time, but the absence would always be felt.

Life did go on. But it could never be the same without her. I would long for that laughter time and again. But it was like she had taken my laughter with her.

But then again, she was a special person. Whenever I thought about her I didn’t have a single memory of the times spent with her, which could make me angry or sad and I never regretted any moment spent with her. Whenever I thought of her, it made me smile. And I knew somewhere, this was her doing, her trying to heal my wounds.

I looked at her pictures regularly, recalling every moment they were taken. And soon I got into contemplating. I thought about how she changed my life. How she made me a better person. A more patient, optimistic and rational being.

And from where I stand today, even as she left, she taught me a lesson in life. She made me a brave, mature and a stronger person. She indeed made me grow through life.

Tejaswee came into my life for a reason, stayed there for a season but will always remain in my heart forever.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. manira permalink
    August 30, 2010 10:47 pm

    this is beautiful arushi. we all know how close u both were to each other. i’v seen u guys laughing, endlessly chirping, giggling during the lectures..n those cute baby hugs of urs.
    I used to get really depressed thinking about her sometimes..but then after the prayer meeting..when we all opened up our hearts to say what we do actually feel about tj…i felt so was like somebody has taken a huge weight off me. At the end of the meet..we were smiling…we were happy that tj has been a part of so many lives…has earned so much love…though unknowingly..but has made so many lives better. God does actually take away the best people on earth soon. In the past one year..whatever moments i had spent with her..were all happy and fun.
    N i agree with u…though she was surrounded by a lot of cynical beings…she always had the glow of belief in her eyes..saying that anything and everything is possible!
    Now whenever her thought crosses my mind…there’s always a soft sweet smile on my face…she’s still spreading joy everywhere. :)

  2. Anubha permalink
    August 30, 2010 10:50 pm

    we are still recovering from it and today when i saw the seat in which she usually sat i just couldnt help picturing and imagining her. her photos seem so REAL….
    but arushi she was your best friend and i dont claim to understand how it feels when one is your best friend….she influenced you the most..but she also influenced us.
    she turned us all into optimists and i think the biggest thing was our joint decision to adopt as she had envisaged. she will always stay with us…haha i can NEVER forget her purple pants and orange trench coat!! only she could carry it off..and yeah i dont think i ever mentioned it but her love for animals reminded me of my dad because even he pats the stray dogs. the dogs on my street are friends with him and i get so irritated. i would tell TJ dont touch me now because the dog was dirty and i say the same to my dad haha!!
    she will always hover around!!..:))

  3. August 31, 2010 10:59 pm

    wooow… tht was touching… speechless.. cant say much here… friends really do bring a lot of changes to our lives that we can only dream of otherwise… best wishes n hugs arushi – may you find peace… n yes, TJ is still gonu be around spreading her angelic smile…

  4. Akanksha N. permalink
    September 1, 2010 9:07 pm

    Honey I know how u feel…. I can’t even stand my tut group no more. I just can’t bear sitting all alone next to an empty seat nor can i stand the silence. Its so shocking remembering that still lifeless face, so so unlike her. It seems like I have known her for a lifetime. VAAT will never be the same. All those dreams of making crazy documentaries and trips and everything.
    I miss her and I love her. And i do understand ur pain.

    Im always always there for.

  5. September 4, 2010 3:29 pm


  6. September 6, 2010 5:42 pm

    lots of hugs

  7. Nitu permalink
    September 21, 2010 2:52 pm

    Hi Arushi! I really dont know who Tejaswee Rao was but got to know of her blog through another blog where I even came to know that she was no more. Her passing away might have really made a void in your hearts but her writings brought about the livliness in me and your post brought tears on my face. May her soul rest in peace.

  8. rose permalink
    September 24, 2010 3:50 pm

    Just can’t write anything…love ya all….May God be with u all and her family through this ordeal….Everything not gonna be the same but it gonna be fine…

  9. September 28, 2010 1:58 am

    hi , i am in dramsoc and thats how i knew teajswee. i didnt know her well , infact i hardly knew her , but a week before god took her away from us , we had done this little anti ragging play together.
    i remember sameera coming in and telling me she passed away – for a second i thought she was talkign bout this third year i really loved and the earth fell , then i placed her , and i was so shocked – trying to control a sobbing sameera while remembering our very recent acquaintance – even though i did not know ehr , her death shocked me (which is an understatement) – all i can say to you is , to love her for the time uv had and may god help you through this very difficult time.

    every time in college , i see her radiant smiling face put up on some bulletin board – i am just as shocked as i was almost a month and half back …. and today i read her blog , and there are tears in my eyes , as i write this response.

    this is probably the saddest and beyond tragic thing that has happened around me … and it makes me question everything we seem to live for…
    i have no hopes to offer you , all i can give u a bear hug .
    and im truly sorry for your , for our loss

    i ha

  10. Prahi permalink
    September 29, 2010 6:58 pm

    I did not know Tejaswee one bit. Had never met her, never passed her by in the corridors but like umpteen people out there, I was taken aback when the news of her death reached our ears. I saw her picture pinned on one of the many bulletin boards today and the smile radiating through it was infectious. It affected me, for the lack of a more emotionally equipped word. I’ve been gripped with an inexplicable melancholy since then. I wish I knew her. Had spoken to her for even a trifle of a second. Life forces us to pick up the pieces and move on but the yawning hole remains. Her memories would not turn out to be evanescent. It’s clichedbut true nevertheless. She will live on. Stay strong.


  1. In Our Hearts, Forever « The Objective Onlooker

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